On Paper We're a Disaster
by Little Miss Juliet
Summary: By all cliche means, Draco's in detention! Again. And to be left alone with Luna Lovegood and her array of fascinating, make-believe creatures. Now, he if he could just shut her up...  ONESHOT. Draco x Luna.


"Draco! How lovely for you to join us for tea!" Luna Lovegood chirpped, setting down her cup. She smiled at the blonde boy, who glared in return.

"Shove it Lovegood!" Draco Malfoy snapped. Luna then smiled extra wide, and Draco couldn't decide if it was out of spite or because she was just that_ freaking_ nice.

"Ah, the young Mister Malfoy!" Professor Trelawney said in her usual airy tone, "here to serve your detention for destorying five of my crystal balls!"

"They deserved it...for being completely pointless objects for a ridiculous subject," Draco muttered under his breath. "What'll you have me do then?" he asked in a short, clipped and rather pained voice, knowing whatever task he would have to do for the batty professor would be in the company of Loony -FREAKING- Lovegood!

"If you would please, Mister Malfoy, organize my book shelves and get some fresh tea leaves..." Professor Trelawney paused, "...I may consider that payment for the death of my once beautiful orbs!" Draco rasied an eyebrow.

That was all? Putting those batty book in alphabetical order by the last name of the author and going to Professor Sprout's green houses? No problem! He'd be back to bullying Mudbloods in an hour!

"Sure thing, Professor!" Draco replied in an uncharacteristically sunny voice, plastering a false grin on his face. Professor Trelawney smiled and pointed him towards her book case...s. Book _cases._

Draco's mouth hung in sheer horror. Behind those blasted curtains surrounding the room, eons of book shelves were hidden behind it! The books were in a rather dystopian state and Draco groaned in dispair!

"Luna, my dear," Professor Trelawney said, "would you look after Mister Malfoy to be sure he finishes the job? As well as accompany him to the green houses?"

"Of course, Professor!" Luna smiled and Trelawney beamed.

"Well done, Luna! You may help yourself to some-ah-chocolate frogs in my office, hm?"

"Thank you, Professor!" Trelawney smiled approvingly.

"And if Mister Malfoy does well, he may have some too! Now I must be off! I have a staff meeting with Minerva about next year's scheduling! To imagine she doesn't feel seventh years need not take the Art of Divination" Trelawney left with a hybrid of a flourish and a "humph," leaving Draco alone with Luna.

"Great," Draco muttered, "Alone for the next century and a half with Loony."

"Draco," Luna began, "I think this would be a great opportunity to educate you about Blibbering Humdingers! Now you see, many people don't actually beliebe they exist, but I can tell you..."

Draco groaned and slumped over a pile of books.

**_Two hours later_**

"...which is why it is important to be aware of Dabberblimps!"

"DEAR GOD SOMEONE SHUT HER UP!" Draco cried, letting his plea to echo through the grounds.

After an hour or so of Draco making little progress, Luna decided he should get Professor Trelawney's tea leaves and be exposed to some fresh air. During the trip down to the green houses and now back, Luna hadn't stopped talking about the bizarre creatures she believed in.

The whole experience was wearing Draco out.

"So then I shall begin on the Umgubular Slashkilter, now it was once thought they-"

"FOR GOD'S SAKE LUNA! SHUT UP!" Draco roared, "NO ONE BELIEVES IN YOUR STUPID LITTLE FANTASY CREATURES!" Luna was taken aback. Then she narrowed her eyes and marched right up to Draco.

"Draco Malfoy, you listen to me!" She screamed in her high, bell-like voice, "you're a bully and a classist, racist, sexist, know-it-all, materialistic, shallow, vapid, good-for-nothing JERKFACE! Now I WILL talk about my creatures because you are STUCK WITH ME until you have finished re-shelving!"

Draco was stunned.

Luna smiled brightly. "Shall we go back to the classroom?" And she skipped away like nothing had happened.

Draco followed dumbly behind her.

As they were approaching the castle, Luna had moved on to her favorite creature, Nargles, and Draco suppressed his fury. However, as they came to one of the back walls of the castle, Draco grabbed Luna's arm, prompting a small yelp out of her.

He backed her up against the stone walls and found his face dangerously close to hers to the point where their noses almost touched. He could feel Luna's short, rather paniced breath on his cheeks.

She was silent for a few short moments.

"Anyway, back to Nargles, they-"

Luna was suddenly cut off by Draco pressing his mouth firmly against hers. It was a desperate move for Draco, but he needed her to shut up so badly...and her talking about crazy, made-up creatures was kind of turning him on. He pulled back and stared at her.

Luna blinked a few times.

Pulsing through them was adrenaline, as was the question of "did that really just happen?"

And in Draco's case, "am I really about to do it again?"

"Yes," was the particular answer to both.

He kissed Luna again, except this time, not as forcefully. More experimental. A surge of pleasure rushed through him when he felt her kiss him _back_. Draco took this as a que to go farther.

He put a little more pressure on her mouth which she responded to by actually slightly opening hers.

_That damn Luna! She's a closeted sexual deviant!_ Draco though, bursting with delight mentally and placed a cool hand on the bare skin of the small of her back. Luna's skin was warm to the touch, which probed Draco to run his hand a bit further up the back of her shirt. Luna let out a sound of pleasure, urging him to go on...

**_Later_**

Professor Trelawney returned to a perfectly organized room, more than a dozen chocolate frogs still in her stash and a fresh kettle of hot tea waiting for her.

Draco and Luna never spoke of their rather steamy make out session behind the castle.

_Too bad though_, Draco mused, _because she was a really good kisser._

* * *

><p>An: Crack OTP! I always imagined Luna going off about some creature and Draco kissing her to make her shut up. Don't worry though, Neville is still my favorite person to ship Luna with!

No I do not know when this takes place. Early fifth year, maybe?

Not gonna lie, rather refreshing to write for something other than TT.

Edit: Hug-The-Antihero pointed out that "can it" and "freaking" are obviously American, so I changed "can" to "shove," but since the narration is omniscient, I figured it doesn't matter if the narrator is American, despite the British context.


End file.
